Blog: The “Not” Doctrine

July 30, 2015

THENOTDOCTRINEI have a good friend who is totally into yoga. She’s very into it and goes religiously. She’s one of those people who has an extremely calming presence. She talks about “being present” and “listening to your breaths.” I love her. She’s nothing like me. Nothing. Opposites attract, I suppose. For a time, I tried to be her. I tried to go to yoga. Her life and attitude was so appealing. I wanted that. I tried my damnedest but somewhere between downward dog and sun salutation, I just bit the bullet and said: this is not me. I am not daily yoga. I am not a breath listener. I’m just not. And that’s fine.

There is solace in the “nots.” There is calm in being okay with them. It’s easy to spend all the hours on “Fapinterinstasnap” double tapping the hell out of everyone’s fabulous foyer, early morning mountain run, weekend getaway to some place that has really colorful houses in a row. And don’t forget to double tap that damn kitchen with the sky high ceilings, Viking range, marble countertops and custom upholstered bar stools. I hate that kitchen. That’s a lie. I love that kitchen. So so bad. But I am not that kitchen. I am not those bar stool. Those bar stools would not stand a chance in here. I am not early morning mountain runs. I am not those weekend getaways.

In the blogging world, I often feel the pull to be something more. Something different than I am. When you see something working so well for someone else, you wonder…hmmm…maybe I should do something similar. But no. That’s exactly why I shouldn’t. Because that’s not me.

I am not muted colors. I am not party tables. I am not a frequent traveler. I am not a furniture refurbisher. I am not a fashion blogger. Man oh man am I NOT a fashion blogger. (read: most days I take off my pj’s, put on yoga pants and call myself “dressed.”) I am not any of these things, but at one time or another, I’ve felt like maybe I should try to be. Truth is, none of them are true to me, my blog or what I love to do. So howsabout I leave it to the creative geniuses who do it well. Howsabout I’ll hold it down over here in my brightly colored, loud-mouthed, mildly inappropirate humor corner of the internet. We’re having a good time up in here and there’s no need to change that by pretending I’m taking morning runs through the mountains.

Tell me about your own “not” doctrine. Have you ever felt the pull to be something else, only to realize, that it’s just not you. I want to hear all about it! Cause we’re homies. And I’m nosy.

 

33 thoughts on “The “Not” Doctrine”

  1. Yes! I have struggled with what I am and what I am NOT and have decided that things go much more smoothly for me if I don’t behave as someone that I am not. I am more focused, I am happier, and I generally don’t miss trying to be someone I am not. The biggest obstacle is to be at peace with who you ARE and have the flexibility to realize that that might change periodically. I am NOT a morning jogger, nor will I ever be, but I do like to take my dog for walks on the riverwalk near my apartment… like once a week… if it’s not cold. 😉

  2. The best thing I ever learned how to say was, “I am good at OTHER things.” Seriously, it was so freeing. You are magnificent at being you. I am magnificent at being me. Mormon lemonade and all that. 😉

  3. I have been a follower, (although a silent one) for awhile and just LOVE ya! I could see us being great irl friends! Me…..I blog, but mostly just the little cards, journal pages, & layouts that I make here and there. Do I wish I could articulate how funny I really am, how clever and creative I can be, really lay out my hopes and dreams and inspire all 210 of my followers? Hell yeah, but my “gift” is not in writing, actually I’m not sure what all my gifts are, but I do know what I enjoy doing and that I could do it all day long!!

    I don’t want the yoga (tried that once), I do enjoy some light meditation ( just got started with that), I would really love to travel the world like Amanda (from KevinandAmanda, she is living my dream life). I wish I could clean up my language, but “OH MY HELL” is my favorite saying and in reality I’m just pretty low-maintenance, just give me a good book, a diet coke and my copics and I’m good to go! 😀

    1. Oh, I love it when I get a follower to comment! Oh my hell! I think you’re awesome and from the looks of this comment, you are a pretty good writer. I feel like I can hear you saying this to me over coffee!

      1. Awww, thanks! I’d definitely one day, down the road, love to do drinks. You with your coffee….me with my diet coke. See how possesive I am? MY diet coke..HA, I’ve only fallen off the diet coke train a bazillion times and as of now, I haven’t climbed back on, I’m not really a huge self-motivator. :/ 😉

  4. OMG!! I think we’re homies for sure!! Yes I’ve felt the pull in more ways than one!! Here’s what I discovered. I’m not muted colors either maybe on my walls but in my head, clothes and accessories that’s not who I am! I am neons, pink and oranges and for the first time in a long time, I’m perfectly ok with that. I believe in coloring my world, every inch of it! I also believe there are other people who find solace in other creatives such as ourselves! I just love everything you create!!! Does that sound creepy or stalkerish because I don’t want it to lol!! It’s refreshing talking with other creatives!! I am though pretty dessert tables and floral arrangements but packed with plenty of color!!

    1. Homies 4 lyfe…and no, that doesn’t sound creepy at all! I love to hear from people who love the blog! I agree that it is so refreshing to talk to other creatives who “get” this whole thing. Cheers to you, girl. Keep on keepin on with your colorful self!

    1. muah, muah, muah! Girl – I swear I was JUST thinking about you yesterday and took a trip over to your instagram to catch up on the TomKat goodess! I love you, too, friend!

  5. For me it’s the realization that I’m NOT under 30 . . . in fact, I’m almost 40 (I’ll be 39 in January). Aging is hard to accept in general, much less in the blogging world where you have so many cute under-30 somethings doing stylish projects and wearing the best outfits. I guess it’s time to embrace my late 30s . . . and everything that has to offer! :0

    1. Sort of like when I decided I will no longer shop at Forever 21. I am not 21. Nowhere near it. I’m too old to buy temporary clothing! HA! I’m more Forever Ann Taylor type of girl these days.

  6. I love this post! I have to tell myself the same thing PLUS that I am NOT the number of followers I have on my blog/instagram/fb. I also started becoming okay with the idea of taking breaks from my craft room, definitely helps because I forget what cool stuff I have when I don’t look at it everyday.

    1. YES! YES! YES! The number of followers thing is such an easy trap, right! I get sucked in all the time, but then I remember that every one of those followers is a person who at some point enjoyed what I was doing. And THAT is awesome!

  7. 1) I thought yoga pants WERE fashionable 🙂 2) Please don’t change – we ARE having a good time up in here 3) Thank you for making me smile every day!!! 🙂
    I have also had situations where I went with the group or did the new thing because it seemed I should. I learned that I should never spend time doing anything that doesn’t make me happy. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. OK, I am not always happy doing dishes – but you know what I mean. LOL We can’t all buy every new craft thing that comes out and that’s OK. There is just too much out there. We need to focus on the part we love. I often have to reel myself in and not get caught up with the latest craze. But sometimes I do and that’s OK too.
    Thank you for this reminder of realizing what is really important in life. 🙂

    1. My collection of yoga pants is somewhere between awesome and pathetic. I have WAY too many pair! Thanks for all your love and support, Lin! You are such a goodie!

  8. I am not you and will never create in the same way you do. 99% of the items you create I will never do. I know, why do I follow you?, because you bring me joy, what you create just brings me joy. Your ideas are fun, colorful and I just love the way you talk (write) to me. I also learn new expressions – “Oh My Hell” is so becoming a part of my vocabulary.

    1. You know – this is so great to read. I realize that there are a ton of people who won’t necessarily make the projects that I post but it’s so good to know that you still want to come over and hang out. And yes…”oh my hell” is officially a thing.

  9. Yesterday I bought a red lipstick…I didn’t have one and reading your post I decided I should try…now I have to decide if I’m a red lipstick girl or if I’m NOT. Today I feel great in my black pants and red lipstick…this is a good sign, a warm sensation…
    This post is amazing…seems to read my mind and my feeling. Long ago I decided to be only what I wanted to and what I feel to, no matter what other want or think. I wear my style and have a little violet in my hair…and what? Happy to be myself and NOT someone I’m not, but sometimes I wold like to try something different, then go back to myself…do u know? My 4 years little boy always tell me I’m beautiful and he loves me…even when I feel zombie…that’s something great! U’r simply amazing!
    Cristina
    thehouseoftheblackbirds.blogspot.it

  10. Love this Amber! There are so many things I’m NOT but there are just as many things that I AM. I just try to focus on those things. But a few of the things that I’m not are…patient, a good singer (LOL, hard to admit but true), fashionable, girly, or comfortable going too far out of my comfort zone.

  11. Well Amber, at 51 this year, I simply do what makes me happy. Being on this side of 50 is great and I love working in my own business full-time and getting my AARP discounts! Lol!

  12. I. LOVE. This. Post!

    Like Linda B., I am 51 soon to be 52. I saw a quote about ten years ago which was attributed to Dolly Parton: “Find out who you are and do it on purpose.” I don’t know if she actually said it, but who doesn’t matter. The challenge matters. I’ve been purposefully finding out who I am for ten years and just now feel like I’m getting a handle on it. Part of figuring out who you are is figuring out who you’re not. So here’s what I’m not:

    Funny (except inside my head where I make snarky comments that can’t be repeated in polite company)
    Quick-witted (it takes me days to figure out the snarky comment that can’t be repeated in polite company)
    Sassy (either in style or speech)
    Colorful (I have one shade of lipstick. One!)

    Here’s what I am:
    A laugher (you tell the joke, I’ll provide the laugh track)
    Methodical (takes me a long time, but the end result is beautifully organized)
    Classical (I should have been born in the late 1800’s…except modern medicine is pretty cool. And air conditioning. And washing machines. Okay…maybe I need to join the Steampunk movement.)
    Supportive (you take the lead, I’ll cheer you from the sidelines)
    Fall (from my wardrobe to my walls to my Chai spiced tea)

    1. What an awesome comment! I will just have to take issue with the “sassy” part. From the looks of this comment you’ve got a hefty bit of sass brewing up in there! And that Dolly Parton quote!?! OMG! That is my new mantra! I may need to DIY that and get in into a frame. Stat!

    1. HAHA! I go to yoga and just create a running list of all the things I need to be doing and then when I leave I get a piece of paper and write it all down before I forget. Either that or I fight back the urge to laugh the whole time. Mormon lemonade?! LOL! Just a Mormon friend of mine who makes some awesome awesome lemonade. Not the most exciting back story…but delicious nonetheless!

  13. This resonates with me so much today! I just started writing again after years of making excuses and have found a purpose that had been missing for some time. When I hastily threw the site together (because for me, the visual can be altered later but the content is what matters) I kept asking myself: Who Am I and Who Am I Not? I thought the same things you’ve said: I am not the Fashion Blogger or the InstaMommy whose photos look like walking ads/impromptu perfect moments with perfect lighting and perfectly processed photos but whose blog includes about 10 words about said outfits and outings. I love to peruse those blogs and drool over their gorgeous photos on IG, but that’s not me. I’m wordy, not graceful, my photos often come out blurry and when they’re not my son is giving his biggest “I know you’re taking photos and can’t help but smile because I’m a ham” grin. Thank you for the encouragement to embrace who you are (and who you are not)!

  14. Amber, this post definitely hit home for me!! I love your honesty!! This morning I am having five women over. Three are accomplished writers, one is a mechanical engineer, another has performed at Carnegie Hall. Me? I’m someone who lives very simply but loves to find the good in others but also the void that needs to be filled. I recently retired early from a support staff position and am trying to focus on a simple lifestyle. I am NOT the one who can usually fill the void of the great women I meet and have had as friends for years but I KNOW I am capable of bringing others to them that can!! We all have strengths and weaknesses. I embrace the “me” I know well. I make a meal, clean up the house, and create the zone for my friends to do their magic!!

  15. i was on your website searching for ‘pirate’ craft inspiration and this post came up. I definitely needed this read

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